It started out great…then proceeded to go up and down.
I got out of work early on Friday and Master picked me up. We went downtown for lunch and were having a nice time until…..oh yes, all it takes sometimes is one little text. Kitty had “heard” about our tentative wedding date. She wouldn’t say who but the list is so short it doesn’t really matter. She was furious, taking it as if Master is already planning on marrying me it means the previous 12 years with her has meant nothing to him. Not true at all. It just means he’s ready to move on. Their relationship has been rocky for so long and she has been pushing him so hard that he’s been broken and is now mending, having moved past the grieving part. He gets angry and has moments of recognition that life has changed forever, relationships have changed forever, but it isn’t all bad.
We took our time, finishing lunch and picking up the family van to bring it home from the shop and arriving home with pits in our stomachs. I was actually in a great mood, despite the impending drama. Thank goodness for that, because I was able to keep Master from falling into an emotional hole through the night. Kitty was a nightmare but she eventually just went upstairs, which was for the best. As Master said in his last post, I found the rings in our closet and brought it to his attention. That was bad enough but he handled it fine. As the night wore on and I saw the sack of jewelry sitting on the staircase but Master did not, I debated on whether I should tell him or not. I KNEW it would throw him for a loop. I didn’t know what would be worse, me telling him or him finding it the next day. I let it out and of course we know how that played out. Thank goodness I was able to pull him back and not letting it spiral out of control between them. I don’t want either of our divorces to end up like “War of the Roses”.
Saturday, we did our normal errands and kept the kids out for a good portion of the day. We came home late afternoon and I wouldn’t leave Master’s side. I knew Kitty was still beyond upset and if I was around, she wouldn’t start in with him nearly as bad as if I left him alone. They still had their tiffs and she was angry and crying in parts but we made it thru. My mom came over with Easter baskets and such and ended up staying for dinner. Master cooked and I noticed Red didn’t come down for dinner so towards the end I went up and asked him if he was going to come down and eat. Why I do these things…I don’t know. We ended up arguing but this time I kept my wits about me, I kept cool for the most part. Red said he needs closure on why I want out. I gave him my reasons and just like always, I was either wrong, silly or stupid for feeling that way. None of it is true according to him. Or insecure. That was my favorite. I was insecure for feeling how I did. He asked me how long before I treat Master the same way I did him…cheating and lying and carrying on in my old whorish ways. The reality is Master and I have discussed my faults, my temptations and desires. It won’t be a problem for us like it was for Red. Red never had fantasies or at least confessed to any, never had desires to play or share whereas Master does. With protocols and rules in place, playing won’t be a problem. Just no poly…
By the end, Red and I sorted some things out while still ripping each other’s hearts to shreds and I ended up hiding in our closet. But it wasn’t long before Master came in and held me while I cried. Now it’s a rule, I need to stay strictly to business with Red. Master sees how bad it hurts me and there’s no need. It just needs to be done.
Kitty ended up going with Master to his family’s house for Easter dinner. She had said she wasn’t going and we all figured that would mean Red wouldn’t come to my parents either. In the morning, he said he wasn’t, we talked and I told him my parents would never treat him any different, he will always be family. He relented and said he would come then later turned around and said he couldn’t because he couldn’t be around me and not get so upset. In 16 years, I’ve never seen Red cry. When his mother passed, he was slightly teary-eyed but she had been sick for so long, I think he grieved for a long time before she was actually gone. Now, seeing him actually cry and hearing the sobs coming from him….that’s been hard for me to handle. I know he’s grieving but I can’t help in my own twisted way but feel responsible for tearing him apart like that. Master keeps telling me, and I agree, Red should have been a better husband. He should have seen the problems when they arose. I even told Red when we were “talking” how could he have not seen there were problems when I was stepping out on him or wanting to open our marriage. Not to say that every couple who opens up has problems but we sure did. He buried his head pretended it was fine because he thought he was happy. When the real problems came up after opening, he thought we just needed to move past them. I tried to talk to him, he refused. It hurt him too much. Not talking never solves anything.
My parents were not happy Red didn’t come to dinner. My dad even called him and asked him to come anyway but Red said he had a paper or project or something due this morning so he couldn’t…Maybe it was for the best. I don’t know. Master ended up coming over with his little ones after he was done with dinner at his family’s. He fits in so well with my family. Him and Dad sipped on Tequila and smoked cigars and he just blends right in like he’s been there for years. My grandmother already adores him and says she couldn’t be happier that I found a “really nice one” this time. It still stings and is going to for a long time when family asks me why I stayed with Red for so long…I don’t know if I don’t want to go back and analyze it or whatever the case may be…but each family member that is finding out Red and I are splitting up are confessing that they think it’s a good thing and it’s about time. Ouch. They see how happy Master makes me and they’re glad we found each other.