Poly Dangers

On the surface, we all wanted poly to expand our relationships, have some fun, find people to play and love with. One of the premises of poly is that it is unreasonable to expect one person to fulfill all of your needs.  And that it is a Hollywood and Puritanical idea that one should sacrifice those needs because the ‘one’ you love can not fulfill them. Enter poly.  If we can get past the jealousies than we can have multiple partners who fulfill us in ‘different’ but not qualitatively ‘better’ ways. In theory that is a beautiful and fulfilling proposition. But to make this work, the marriages must STRONG…and I mean fucking iron clad, we communicate about everything, we have examined our issues, we are in an amazing place.  Poly doesn’t necessarily CAUSE problems, but it sure as shit will shine a light on every last little crevice of an issue that has been, is now, or might possibly be!

Enter our problems…we all thought our marriages had been through rough times, but that we had dealt with the issues and came out the other side!  We were strong. We communicated. We loved each other. Well…fucking horse shit! Problems were swept under the rug for over a decade for both couples. Communication was cursory at best. None of us were happy in our marriages… and some of us for quite a long time, even if we never really admitted it to ourselves.

Enter problem number 2… What happens when your secondary is no longer just fulfilling you in ‘different’ ways, but it is also ‘better’? Oh shit! That’s what happens.  What happens when your secondary turns out to be a person that actually does fulfill everything you’ve ever wanted in life.  The things you’ve been begging from your spouse for years with no movement.  I’ll tell you what happens, everyone agrees to relationship anarchy (dropping the hierarchies)… and then before you know it your secondary has become your primary. You find that the only thing you are getting from your spouse is grief, and the time has come to do the paperwork…

Now, before any of you think I am sad, or that Baby Doll and I aren’t happy, or that I am slamming poly… let me say this is not the case.  I am so happy with Baby Doll…she truly is the woman with whom I am meant to be!  And for those people that have the ‘constitution’ for poly, I think it is a beautiful and wonderful thing. But, please heed the advice that you will read everywhere…. COMMUNICATION!!! If you don’t want the whole thing to go to shit, you must communicate!

I don’t know if we had all communicated better, if our pending divorces and nuptials still wouldn’t have happened.  What I do know, is that I am done with poly.  I lost a wife and found my Baby Doll… I’m not willing to risk that again.  Now…playing is another story, but certainly not for a good bit.

I have found the woman that is the partner, the wife, the subbie, the person that fits with my craziness, my controlling personality, my libido, my soul…


One thought on “Poly Dangers

  1. So much to be said but not in a public forum. So happy that you all have found your other halves. That you’re able to be happy.
    Poly took us down a road as well. Like I said so much to say. Not here.

    Love you both

    Liked by 1 person

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