An amazing read!
As if things were not complicated enough.
It’s been rough last few days. Just when things seemed to be calming down…
Master and I received some news via text late Thursday night. Kitty is pregnant with Red’s baby. They both stated this does not affect us, nothing changes for us. HA! What arrogant audacity to sit there and say it doesn’t affect us. We both suspected this for a little while now. Red had been asking about the paperwork recently and Master said Kitty looked a little different, bigger in the chest area. She’s 2 months along, they said. But we kept thinking, no way. Well….yes way. Kitty was pregnant before we even moved out of the house.
Red said we should be emotionally supportive. Tolerant, sure. Supportive, absolutely not. Kitty keeps saying how happy she is. Sure, she’s secured her man. Oldest trick in the book, get pregnant and he’s stuck. Not that I think he would leave her anyway, he’s too co-dependent and scared to be on his own. But she doesn’t know him well enough to have figured that out.
I worry about the kids. The 3 youngest, not as much. But the older girls, yes. They’ve been through a lot of changes already and this one is a big one. Red & Kitty are grown-ups, no excuses anymore. They could have and should have been careful but I believe they chose not to. In March or April, they had already had a scare, thinking Kitty was pregnant and miscarried. Evidently, shortly after, she ended up pregnant anyway. So either they’re the dumbest shitheads we know or they continued on trying to make it happen.
As I said, tolerant. What’s done is done. There’s no taking it back.
I knew what I was coming home to. On nights we are childless, they become play nights. Master had asked me if I wanted this new toy tonight. It sort of came out of nowhere but I certainly did not say no. I had wanted to try this for some time now. He also brought home some glue to repair the floggers we had destroyed some time ago. Master took the two and merged them into one with the thinner threads on the inside and thicker on the out. Turned out very nice….and usable again.
I received spankings, some flogging and lots of teasing all before dinner. He was very anxious to play but we held off for a bit. Finally we went into the bedroom and got naked. Master tied up my breasts tight. They were aching in no time at all. After going down on Him for a few minutes, He reached for the new toy and had me lay back. He attached the suction cup to my pussy and started pumping away.
At first, it hurt. But a strange kind of hurt. As my pussy would get used to the pulling sensation, the aching would calm down. Then He would do it all over again. Each time it hurt slightly less and made my pussy ache more. I felt my clit being pulled out it, making it ache as well. Over and over and over, He used the pump on me. Then He fucked me. And used the pump some more. Then ate my pussy. And fucked me again.
It took longer for me to cum because of the aching but the heightened sensations made me cum harder and when I finally did…it was amazing!
I love that Master wants to explore and play and enjoys the kink as much as I do. I love that some lovemaking sessions are 20 or 30 minutes long and others are 2 hours or more. I love the deep soul kisses and the looks of desire. I’m a very lucky subbie.
I am consumed by a Monster strong and powerful yet gentle. As His hands touch me, I can feel the electricity through His fingertips but He controls Himself, instead holding me gently, kissing me, loving me. This calms the scared little girl inside, knowing what’s about to come out. He ties the gag on, asks me to nod that I understand I’m giving Him complete power and control over my body. I do. It scares me but I do. He confirms that I know He will not stop until He is ready to stop, until the Monster is sedated again. I know this and am willing to accept the ferocity that will be unleashed.
It never ceases to amaze me the change I see in Him. From the calm, sweet, gentle man who generously pleasured me with His mouth just moments before to this Monster who will relentlessly beat and break me until I’m barely aware of my surroundings, desparately holding on His voice to make my way back to Him.
Master pulls the ties out and instructs me to bed over the bed. He wrapps the cuffs around my wrists, arms extended out then spreads my feet apart as the ankle cuffs go on. With enough room to move but unable to curl up or roll over, no way to get away from Him or stall another strike from landing.
First His hands warm me up, hard spanks to get my ass ready for Leatherman. He starts with the length of the belt, using it like a whip. Acoss my ass, up and down my back, a few on the backs of my thighs. Then Leatherman gets folded up and whack! Each blow that lands on my backside, I grip the bed sheets a little tighter. He spreads my legs apart and fucks me in between, the pleasure pushing back the pain slightly. It’s confusing as your body tingles from pain then pleasure is reintroduced, being conditioned to stay in some sense of excitement as you walk that fine line between the two.
After a slight pause, I feel the cold wood of Oakey as He runs it down my back. My whole body tenses, knowing what is about to come. I hold on the sheets and bury my face in anticipation, dreading the white hot pain I know Oakey is capable of delivering. I pull and struggle against the cuffs holding me in place as He beats me. I can’t escape, held prisoner by more than those straps but by the pain as well. I can feel the holes in the wood that spell out my name. They cut into my skin with each whack, making Oakey’s bite that much sharper. Master is merciless until I’m crying and would have been screaming if not for the gag holding it in for me. He unties me and pulls the gag from my mouth then takes me into His arms, sobbing uncontrollably. Master holds onto me until I’m calm again and able to come crawling out of the dark, opening my eyes to His beautiful face. After each break, it’s like shedding a decaying piece of yourself only to rejuvenate and feel younger, more at peace. There’s a calming quiet inside, ready to take on the world once again.
I want to hurt you. I want to make you cry. I want to beat you. I want to break you. I want you to lose yourself in pain, so I can bring you back.
I will lay you across my knee and spank your ass until my hand can’t take another strike. I will strap the ball gag into your mouth and tie your ankles and wrists to the bed posts, ass in the air…you won’t be able to move, you won’t be able to ask for mercy. You will be mine until I AM done, until the Monster has been fed, until MY rage is appeased. You will be whipped, flogged, spanked, caned, and paddled. You will turn pink, then red, then black and blue. Your skin will split and your ass will bleed. You will sob and your body will shake and tremble but I won’t stop. I can’t stop. I need to push you, to push me. I will break you to the depths of your being. You will crawl into subspace to find solace from the pain, and I still won’t stop. You will lose yourself and I will bring you back. The hand that hurts you will be the dame hand you seek to bring you back.
You need this. I need this. This is my cleansing. This is your cleansing. This is who we are. This is how we survive.
I can feel Him, the Monster, He needs to feed, to find peace, to be delivered from His pain. Your pain saves Him. You cleave to Him like a child to his mother’s teat. He is your pain and your succour. In turn you save Him from Himself… without you the Monster would destroy me.
Master and I have been discussing our D/s protocols and what would be best in different situations. I did mention to Him that when I fall into a mood, assignments won’t always work to pull me out of it. Especially when the mood is related to something between us. I cannot find the peace and joy in serving Him as when I do normally. It’s not the acts themselves but more so going thru the motions rather than actually enjoying them. The best possible way to readjust my attitude and outlook is to beat it out of me…
I find myself being much different with Master than I was with Red. I used to fight mean, scream and yell, use names or anything that I knew would piss him off because I was mad. I thought it was best just to get it all out. With Master, I have protocols to follow. No fighting dirty, no name-calling, yelling maybe but certainly not at the decibels I used to attain. The consequence of this is sometimes I can’t get out all the inner frustrations. And I can physically feel it moving thru my body. My nerves are on fire. The heat radiates from the pit of my stomach and out. Sometimes it makes me cry. They aren’t tears from being sad but out of frustration and hurt. There’s so much emotion running thru me, it has to find an escape. Tying me up and beating me until I break is a great release.
We got into an argument Friday night. He was angry and frustrated with me. I was hurt and frustrated myself. Even afterwards, as He calmed down and attempted to help straighten me up, all the pent up hurt and frustration stayed inside me. Master instructed me to get Oakey out. He pulled the straps out from under the bed, told me to remove my panties and bend over the bed. He tied up my hands and told me I had to count down my punishment. I had 14 coming to me. After only a couple, I was losing it. I was crying, saying “no” and “I can’t” over and over. Oakey hurt so bad. By the end, I was a complete sobbing mess as Master took me into His arms and held me as the tears and sub space subsided. It was difficult to take but somehow I had made it thru the harshest punishment I have received yet. I felt so cleansed and at peace, even with a throbbing, sore ass.
Sunday night, we were preparing for another session. No punishment, just a session. I had gotten out Oakey and Leatherman as Master got the straps out again and asked me to take off all my clothes. He kept on his undershorts and a tshirt as He sat back on the bed. We usually have a moment or two before beginning where we hug, kiss and/or cuddle a bit. It’s a strong, bonding experience and I’m giving up complete control of my body for Him to use and abuse and He’s vulnerable in the sense that it could go too far and I wouldn’t come back the same or actually feel hurt by Him, instead of cleansed and cared for.
I straddled His lap as we kissed and touched. I felt His cock, nice and hard, brush against me. Teasing us both a little, I rubbed Master’s hard-on with my wet, horny pussy. The passion built and took over. He didn’t stop me and I couldn’t stop myself as I released His cock from his shorts and slipped Him inside me. I was really only going to take the tease that much further but He felt incredible as I started to ride His cock. Master teased and sucked on my nipples and soon after I was begging Him to let me cum. He gave me permission and oh my….I continued to fuck Him until He came deep inside me and we collapsed back on the bed. It turned into a different kind of session that night. His clothes didn’t come off until after we were done. There was a nice wet spot on His shorts that went into the laundry basket as we finally went to bed.