Master is on His road to recovery, accepting what has been done. Sunday after dropping the babies off at their house, He collapsed into my arms and it all came pouring out of Him. The hurt, anger, resentment, betrayal. The tears fell from my eyes with Him, feeling His pain and His body emptying itself of all these emotions. It was a good cleansing for Him and I was glad I was there to hold His hand and kiss His face.
I will admit, there is a small part of me that’s jealous. I want my own baby with Master. We’ve been talking about it for some time and He does too. I worry because my clock is definitely ticking. I’m 35. And I am not regular, my cycles have always been off. Red and I did not actively try for either pregnancy but we did not use birth control either. The first one took 6 years and 2 for the second… He assures me we will try the right way this time and we will talk to a doctor when they pull my “plug” out, get advice etc. But not before next year, after He graduates and we move. When it’s right.
Kitty is so angry. I almost feel for her because if she’s as happy about this pregnancy as she keeps saying, then why is she angry? Did she need some validation from Master, some comfort that it’s ok and this is not totally fucked up? If that’s the case, she will not get it. Is she ashamed? Could that be why she couldn’t even muster the courage to tell Master herself, instead she let Red out with it to both of us? Whatever her damage might be at this point, as they both stated in their own words, nothing changes for us. It’s all their responsibility….including her anger.