Anger & Animosity

The tension, animosity and anger became too much. Red and I started fighting again. He called me, yelling at me, threatening to go to court, threatening to sue for slander. Ugh. He doesn’t even understand what slander is. I dropped the hammer, at least on his foot. I told him, let’s go. But be ready for the things that will come out, because they WILL come out. You see, my mother pulled some records on him and I found out some things I didn’t know before. I always knew Red was a bad boy but I didn’t know he had gotten caught…  I didn’t tell him exactly what I know but I left him wondering and I know it was driving him nuts. I could hear Kitty yelling in the background. Her and Master had gotten into an argument over the cars and it just got out of hand. I hung up on Red. Master was not doing so well. Red called me again. I rejected the call, texting him that I am NOT going to be yelled at about an argument that happened between Master and Kitty or anything that she says. If he wants to talk, then we can talk. He promised to be civil. We talked again. I told him (using an analogy that his troglodyte brain might understand), never leave it in the hands of the judges. Red is really into MMA and Dana White’s mantra is such. Never leave it in the hands of the judges. If he drags me into court, or all of us, the fate of our lives and the lives of our children will be in the hands of the judge. Just because one side or the other will think that there’s no way we could lose the kids, there’s no way the judge would award the other couple the kids, think again. You never know what prejudices or biases a judge has. They are human after all…. no matter how closely they follow the letter of the law. It’s still their decision on how to apply the law. And it’s a risk for all involved. It seemed as if he backed down a little…Master and I had an emotional night. We went to dinner and talked for what felt like forever. Luckily the restaurant was nearly empty because we were there for a while after we ate. We both had teary-eyed moments, held onto each other, loved each other.

Saturday Master and I had a very pleasant day. We were playful, enjoyed each other’s company.  At Master’s command, I read pages from Beauty’s Punishment to Him while He bent me over the dining room table and fucked me in the ass…  He chose a decent chapter, one where Beauty was receiving a punishment from her Mistress. Later, we went to a block party of one of my friends that I had not seen in exactly a year, since the last 4th of July. We didn’t have a bad time, nothing exceptional, it was nice to see her again. I have missed her and it would be nice to reconnect with her again, she’s a kick in the pants. And her daughter and my oldest have known each other since they were just about babies. Hopefully we will be able to make some play dates happen. I had told her about the divorce and seeing someone new but not all the details. She essentially put it all together, except for the poly part.

That night, I sent a text making sure the kids would be coming in the morning and Master said he was excited to see them and missed them….unexpectedly Red told Master to go fuck himself and about how should that make him feel because he’s working so much and misses the kids more than anyone else. I answered saying it’s no one’s fault his work schedule is demanding and all of us are allowed to miss the kids as much as we want. He is not allowed to take that away from anyone just because of his situation. The last text we got was him telling Master to go fuck himself again and calling him a “sleazy bastard” and a “narcisstic piece of shit”. And all Master had said before that was Happy 4th of July. Now that’s the Red I know and loathe. The next morning I started asking Red what all that crap was about. Turns out…..typical Red….because Master called them both irresponsible fucktards for getting pregnant over a week ago, Red is now offended by everything that Master says. I told him that’s his problem, Master doesn’t mean any insults.

Background on Red…Red was raised by a single mother. His father passed away when he was barely a year old. Red’s mom moved them a few times, Florida…California…Utah…before finally settling here. She was a difficult woman. And that’s putting it mildly. Spoiled, mean, judgmental, selfish. She used her parents for everything she could get out of them and anyone else who was of a use to her, especially financially. Hmm, surprise surprise when Red turned out just like her. She ended up passing away from cancer in 2004. Even in death, she was spiteful. Red didn’t know until her obituary came up in the papers. They had a strong love/hate relationship, I never saw anything more than a glimmer of a tear from Red. I don’t think he ever processed her death or really mourned her. If he did, I never saw it. He met me when I was a senior in high school, he was the good-looking player type. I think now he preyed on the younger girls, such as myself. He’s 2 1/2 years older than me and most of the girls in my class knew him, from parties and such. At 20, was he still going to high school parties? I didn’t know it then, but I see it now. He bounced from job to job, told stories of grandeur that make him sound like a big tough manly man. Only when I got pregnant did he settle down and become more responsible and even then, a lot of responsibility fell on me. If he didn’t want to do something, he would find all the reasons in the world why or how it wouldn’t work out or make a lot of noise so you started to leave it alone. Essentially Red is….painfully insecure. And cares deeply about what everyone thinks. He wants to impress everyone with how great he is because in reality, he hasn’t done much with his life. Red’s worst fear is being a loser. He can’t stand being called names of any sort or insulting his intelligence because it’s like holding a mirror up to his face and he fears he could be exactly what you think of him, in the worst way. A loser, an asshole, irresponsible, a fucktard, stupid, disrespectful. He can’t stand looking in that mirror. He would rather smash it into a million pieces than see his own reflection, his fears, his insecurities staring back at him. I think he’s ashamed of himself and the life he’s led so far. He’s insanely jealous and intimidated by anyone who’s done even a little bit better than him. And that certainly includes Master. Red held me down and nearly broke me with just how miserable he really is. Master came along and revived me just in the nick of time.

I haven’t heard back from Red and the conversation was never really finished….and I don’t care anymore. We need to be civil for the kids but I just don’t care to speak with him privately. I also started up a conversation on our group texting. I asked Red and Kitty…why all the animosity and anger? Essentially the same thing from her, she’s angry that Master got angry over her pregnancy. She finally did admit that this sixth child will affect everyone but other than her and Red, only in minor ways. At least I got that much out of her. Master said her tone insinuated that she has retracted her claws a bit. The part that infuriated me was she asked me if I knew how Master had told her a while back that he missed her and that they had been affectionate and held hands. Yes, I knew. We have a poly background and I am more than aware of the distinct difference between being affectionate and romantic. If Master had wanted her, really wanted her, He wouldn’t have jumped at the suggestion of their divorce, He wouldn’t have taken me with Him when He moved and He certainly would not have made the plays that He did. I knew how He was feeling, we had talked and He had told me they had talked about it. The betrayal was when Kitty threw that back in His face the next time she was angry with Him, suggesting over and over that He still wanted her and He couldn’t let go of her. Maybe she was trying to drive a wedge between Master and me, maybe just trying to make me insecure about our relationship….whatever it was, she was being mean and spiteful and as soon as I said that I knew all about it and it was no different than me telling my best friend I loved him and hugging him, she immediately dropped it. But not before Master added his own two cents, outting her in the fact that she admitted to Him that Red will never do some things in the bedroom for Kitty that she enjoys. Kitty did not like that, she said it was inappropriate. Well, she brought it up first. She deserved the stone being thrown back at her. So now I have decided that I will communicate Kitty to death. And Master said that their communication should stay on the group text, which includes my mother since she is a part-time caretaker of some of the kids and I want her to see all this anyway. I want her as a witness. I will be doing the same thing to Red, I don’t see why I need to communicate with him privately anymore. If he continues with his threats, all he’s going to get out of me is go ahead…..do what you need to do….I’ve tolerated his empty threats and his empty promises for 16 years. I’m shedding my fear of Red and all his bullshit. He’s a lot of hot air and noise. I now have faith in a man who has put forth more effort in 10 months to care for me and love me in the ways I need than Red ever could in all those years. Even the littlest things such as the keys….

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Anger & Animosity

  1. That’s quiet a weekend! I’m glad you and Master have each other to help each other through all of this. I think your steps are the right ones. And having the extra witness is a good idea.

    Now go fuck hard and crazy get the last few bits of anger out and you’ll be all good.

    😉😉😉😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! It was insanely emotional and draining! I appreciate how Master A and I can always work thru things and talk them over. We got a good portion out last night ;-). Hopefully we will be able to plan a session soon and eliminate the rest of it.
      Always a pleasure hearing from you Angel! XOXO

      Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s