Another Lesson Learned

How best to deal with a narcissistic ex…stay away from them and keep communication at the bare minimum.

I consider myself a reasonably nice person. I don’t like upsetting people, I’m polite, I smile, I chat. I don’t manipulate well, I think, for the same reason I don’t play chess well. I cannot see the moves that need to be made now in order to achieve the greater success later. And I don’t have the patience. Therefore, because I don’t do it myself, I don’t see it when I’m being played.

And I fell into Red’s web…again. We’ve had a couple of spats but for the most part, it’s been drama-less. He’s been chatting with me mainly on the phone lately. Master has not really cared for this, whether he’s being protective, overly protective or perhaps even a little jealous, it was certainly justified today. Red and I got into quite the argument.  He has a talent of bringing out the worst in me. I ended up telling him I settled with him and in answer to why I was ever with him….I was young and dumb. I knew the words would cut him to the core the second they came out of my mouth. But he pushes me that hard. I’m not like that with anyone else…any other argument or disagreement I’ve ever had in my life with anyone else, I’ve never said such hurtful things to someone. Maybe he taught me to fight with him like that or it’s that I have such hurt and animosity in me. I don’t know but I do know I do not like that person he brings out in me. I don’t like her at all. Another reason why I left him..

For my own protection, Papa said no more phone calls. Red lost that privilege. I’ve been hurting, fighting back the tears and feeling powerless all over again.

And the worst part is….he will never recognize the hurt he’s caused me, the tears I’ve shed, the person I turn into is because of HIM. Because he’s an emotional boom-a-rang. Everything I say to him, he slings it back at me saying I should look at what I’ve done to him. I cheated on him, I ran away with the second person who came along after poly, I never wanted him, I lied to him. I’m guilty. I’ll admit it. But he will never acknowledge any of the pain he’s caused me or anything he did because in his mind, he never did anything to me….or if he did, it was so small why would I throw our marriage away over something he sees as so inconsequential..

I had taken steps away from him, and he threw the lasso around me, hooked me and dragged me back, kicking and screaming. Now I will run away from him. I cannot be anywhere close to him, even for the kids. Like the article said, if we cannot co-parent, we must parallel-parent.

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7 thoughts on “Another Lesson Learned

  1. Darling – don’t run… Just close the door quietly and never answer when he knocks. He will never tire of chasing if you run. But of you just refuse to answer he will soon get bored…. You are worth so so so much morex

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  2. The hardest part is that we can’t totally excise him from our life. There is kitty, and the kids… so we have to answer the knock, but only about kids. And we will keep our cool from now on! Right Babygirl? I love you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Red is cut off Sir…..his true self was just hiding under the surface and unfortunately I fell for the nice fake person he was being. You would think I would have known better but it’s my instinct to always see the good in people, even when it’s superficial.

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  3. Yes you only have to answer the Knicks about the kids. Not about anything else. And I think again for now the written word is better it’s easier to walk away from in a text or email. You can also breathe and count before you answer. You can answer the way you want and not as a reaction to what was said. Love you both

    Liked by 2 people

    1. We are testing some new rules for both of us. When have lived it for so long it is hard to see the forest through the trees…all of a sudden you have been sucked in and don’t even realized it was happening. We are going to be eachother’s monitors, for now, to help us see it before it happens. We both have to relearn how to interact with them.
      Thanks as always Angel!

      Liked by 1 person

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