Baby Doll and I are coming to terms with the fact that Red has narcissistic personality disorder.
“Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder in which a person is excessively preoccupied with personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity, mentally unable to see the destructive damage they are causing to themselves and others.”
“People with narcissistic personality disorder are characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance. They have a sense of entitlement and demonstrate grandiosity in their beliefs and behavior. They have a strong need for admiration, but lack feelings of empathy.”
Not only can he not admit any of his faults, but he can’t even see them. He is completely dependent on those around him for his self-value and self-worth. He is in constant need to be the center of someone’s world. He doesn’t have the emotional reserves to sustain himself, so he seeks others to provide that sustenance. In this way, he, and narcissists in general, feed off of unsuspecting people in their lives.
They find people they can control, trick, hoodwink, manipulate, etc. to get what they need.
Red tried to call Baby Doll again today, even after she “crushed” him yesterday, by telling him (essentially) that he was a mistake and she was only with him because she was “young and dumb”. We thought for sure he would take a powder for a time to lick his egotistical wounds…wrong. However, we had already put protocols in place yesterday to handle just such a situation. No more phone calls…
It was amazing as a bystander, reading what he was writing: “I don’t understand what I did to you that was so bad that you won’t speak to me.” Apparently, he completely forgot about yesterday…or did he.
I have a theory. He is an addict, an emotional addict, and he calls Baby Doll to get his fix. After being together for 16 years, he knows where every single one of her buttons is located, and just how to push them to get the reaction he desires. Why? To feed on her anger and frustration. Just like a child who isn’t getting positive attention, negative attention will do. He is treating Baby Doll like an Emotional Vending Machine, push the buttons, placing the order for what he wants, and waiting for the response. Emotional needs satisfied, he goes on with his day as if nothing had happened, fat and happy, leaving a shell of a babygirl behind who can barely function for the rest of the day, having been drained of all energy and life force.
Well…I am here now, I recognize what he is doing. This vending machine now has an out of order sign on it. The buttons are being replaced. The Papa is here, and now that I know what I am up against, I know how to protect my babygirl. I may have failed to protect her as well as I should have up until now, but that is now done. No more complacency in thinking that he will ever change, ever acknowledge Baby Doll’s feelings, or his culpability in any of the issues in their marriage. He no longer gets to speak to her. Period. Text or email. Nothing more.
I am a Papa Dom (think Daddy Dom). He has fucked with my little for the last time! There is a reason Baby Doll has given her little self to me… I am honorable, and will protect her. I see what/who she is and what she needs. I see what she is willing to bring and give to me in our relationship. Littles are fragile and need extra love and protection. She is generous to me to a fault, but I cherish her and never take that for granted. I give her everything I have to give. Baby Doll and the kids call me Papa Bear…there is a reason for that… I am a fierce warrior and protector. You mess with me and mine, and you will wish you hadn’t. I may not be the strongest or the fastest, but I combine strength of mind, strength of character, and an unwavering determination to protect those I love.
I am so proud of Baby Doll! Implementing all the protocols that we discussed, she did not waiver in the face of his barrage today and attempted insistence on speaking on the phone. He said it was really important… what was it? He didn’t like one of the girls’ haircuts, and needed another child’s shot records. Nothing that couldn’t be done via text or email. Another attempt at feeding on Baby Doll, but this time he failed, because of her strength. Red is now learning that his former emotional food source is out of business…permanently. We have a lot of work to do, and we must remain ever vigilant to prevent another occurence like yesterday’s. But I am convinced that, together, we can make it through this, and maybe even come out stronger on the other side!
Babygirl…your Papa loves you!