Moving On

I passed my final on Friday. The 12-day course is done. It was a lot of reading and notes but I made it thru. Jets came over for dinner on Saturday with his nephew along with my mom. We talked about when to schedule the state test and we settled on 9/11, pending there are open positions. My last day at work of my old job is 9/10. Because I will actually be able to start working at the new job before the license comes thru (after I pass the test), I’m doubting I will actually have any time off between the old job and the new one. It would have been nice *sigh*. At least the distance from home to the new job is a lot shorter and I’ll probably be working earlier hours so I’ll have more time with the babes at night. That is precious time I will be thankful for!

Master has been patient, wonderful and supportive thru all of this. After I passed the final on Friday, He took me out for a wonderful sushi dinner. Always enjoy going out with Him. I could not be more appreciative to have Him in my life.

Of course….drama….divorce drama, to be more accurate. Master and Kitty are signed and filed. I have prepared and signed all the paperwork, it’s waiting with the paralegal for Red’s signature and payment. Last week he told me he would sign it when he agrees to it. The final draft had been in his possession for 8 days and all he says is he’s “too busy”, “so busy”, “so tired”, “crazy schedule”. Yes, yes…I know all this. BUT it takes mere minutes to look over the papers, which had been done in May, really. The only information that changed from the draft I wrote up before we decided to use the paralegal was the holiday schedule. Everything else is the same. One of the last things he said to me if I keep pushing, things will get even more difficult. Kitty defends him up & down, swearing he works most weeks straight thru, doesn’t have a day off until 10+ days straight of working, blah blah fucking blah… If it were that important to him, maybe, just MAYBE he would make time for it. It took him a week to get the information I asked him to get me for the paperwork but when he wants something, he starts texting me and if I don’t answer within a few minutes, it gets followed up with “?” or “hello?”.

Typical narcissist. The world revolves around him.

Master found out a little more information from Kitty. Red has been telling her that his employer has been shorting him his OT on his checks and he’s waiting on them to make it up. SURE. I’ve heard that one before. Among a montage of other excuses and lies. It is somewhat comforting in a way to see he’s back to his old tricks and bullshit, but I was really hoping maybe he would straighten up and do right by her. If for no other reason than he has a fourth child coming and it’s time to grow the fuck up and act like a responsible MAN. And not a 37-year-old toddler.

At first I was really upset. I wanted to cry. I wanted to melt down. It just so happened that my mother called. She talked me down, kept telling me it will all work out. Stop melting down. Keep calm. She said stop pushing. Take a deep breath. I was calmer after I got off the phone but still a little upset. Then I got to thinking…

I started recounting all the articles Master and I have read about narcissists and narcissistic exes, some about NPD in general. Knowing Red, even IF the money excuse is true (IF), the biggest part of how he’s acting is he’s simply pushing back at me. He’s in control right now. It’s his hand that has to sign those papers and he LOVES being in control. The more I cry, whine, beg, push, scream, yell, threaten or even attempt to discuss any of this with him, the harder he’s going to push back and stall. The more he knows I want this divorce, the more he will try to keep control of it. So I decided the take away as much control as I can. Master was trying to “neck” it from the other angle and get Kitty to push him along but she spews the same excuses as him. She swears he wants this divorce as much as the rest of us, he isn’t trying to sabotage our second chosen wedding date, he’s just “busy”, oh “so busy” and “tired”. Blah blah fucking blah. I came to the conclusion, we go silent. Completely dead silent. We will not discuss the divorce matter with either of them. If they want a divorce because they have a child on the way, they will get it done. In order to take power away from a narcissist and hurt him the most, you do not react nor do you give him anything. I will continue to not answer his phone calls but now, unless it’s clear it’s about children or on the group text, I will not be answering his texts either. Narcissists feed off your energy. Even now, I’m still learning how to not be his emotional vending machine, as Master puts it. I will communicate with Kitty regarding the kids on the group text, since she’s the one who has them all the time anyway and he’s so “busy” and “tired” and “working all the time” and he as access to that but as far as privately, he’s DONE. I’m DONE playing his games. I control now.

I have a feeling once Master and Kitty’s divorce is done and stamped, things will get interesting at the other house…

Kitty’s biggest fear is Master and Red will want me but no one will want her. Once their divorce is done and Red still isn’t on his way to divorcing me, that insecurity will be kicked into overdrive. She will be a single mother, pregnant by the man who’s still married to me.

Now we just sit back and wait.

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