I do not like this feeling at all. I believe most people are inherently good. But the horrible actions of one is making me question everyone else.
I went shopping with my mother last night. We went to Dillard’s and I’m loving the colors this fall. Greys, blacks, navy blues, dark reds and purples. All my colors. We picked out a dark blue top, a black sweater and a navy blue & white striped dress. They all fit me nicely and at first, she said I had to choose two of the three. Typical spoiled me retorted, but Daddy would buy me all three! She rolled her eyes at me, checked the price tags and ended up letting me have all of them. I am spoiled! We decided to dine with my dad and I told him about our shopping adventure and how I convinced Mom to get the three things I wanted. He confirmed that I was right. I know, I’m a brat.
We enjoyed a nice dinner, talked about yesterday’s events and moving next year. My parents are all excited to be moving with us. There’s no way they would watch us go and take these kids with us, they’re as attached to all five of them as much as all the kids are attached to them. Then we went to visit my grandmother who is 96 and we will be dragging her along as well. The whole family is going!
We headed home. Mom dropped me off and made sure I got in our place and locked the doors before she took off. Then I was alone…
I turned on all the lights, made sure all the doors and windows were locked and checked every closet and corner of our place. I know I was being ridiculous but it made me feel better to know I was locked up and secure with no one there. I took the blanket off our bed and my pillow and curled up on the couch to catch up on some Vampire Diaries. I felt tired, I had been up since a little after 5, after all but I couldn’t seem to doze off. I guess finally I did because then I woke up around 2am, sweating and nervous but I decided to try to sleep in our bed anyway. I left the lights on in the family room and went to bed. I dozed in and out for a while. Master text me around 3am, west coast time, which I knew that meant He was getting up for the day. He thought He had woken me up but I assured Him He didn’t. I was not sleeping well. Every little noise I thought I heard and my eyes were wide open and head buried under the blanket.
I was scared. I have had a hard enough time being alone before when Red would work nights but at least I had the girls in the house with me. But this time I was all alone, no other living being in the house with me. Although my imagination was trying to tell me different. I kept watching the doorway to the bedroom, expecting….something….I don’t know. I dozed in and out again, waking up about every hour until I finally got up at 8am to get ready for work.
My mother had said yesterday that sometimes these things happen because we get too lax and it’s the universe’s way to telling us to be more aware and careful. And not just me but everyone. It’s a warning. Yes, most people are inherently good. I will not give up on that. But occasionally, you cross paths with one that is not. I just hate the feeling of going out into the world and looking at everyone as they might be a potential threat or being nervous around anyone who even looks like they might be walking towards me or approaching me. I suppose that might pass but it doesn’t hurt to heed a mother’s advice, just in case.