I know Papa needs to know where I am when I’m not with Him. It’s part control, it’s part security, it’s part love. I know this. I’ve known it, not quite since the beginning but He has always been open about it. And ironically, when Red worked nights, I would actually tell him if I left or what I was up to while he was at work…with a few exceptions, though we do not need to get into those. So there wasn’t much getting used to doing the same thing within my D/s relationship with Papa, although I fuck up sometimes. And this one was big.
Because of the incident last week, when Papa didn’t hear from me He immediately starting think the worst, something bad had happened to me. I cannot explain why but it completely slipped my mind to let Him know where I was. Halfway thru the conference, Jets checked his phone and noticed Papa had texted Him. It immediately came flooding back to me, I had not checked in with Him and let Him know I was safe at the conference and with Jets. My stomach sank, I immediately got nervous and knew I was in trouble. I text Master to say how sorry I was and figured out pretty quickly just how much trouble I was in. He wasn’t answering me really, which is NEVER a good sign, and when He said “what is there to say?” I wanted to cry.
We left the conference finally and I tried my best to keep up conversation with Jets, not letting him know that I was a train wreck on the inside. Dreading going home to a pissed off and, even worse, disappointed Master. I text Him over and over pics of how sorry I was, nothing. I wanted to crawl into a hole. I momentarily thought maybe I shouldn’t go home, let Him cool down but I knew that would only make it worse. I went in and immediately planted myself on the floor next to Him. He was cold and unforgiving. I tried apologizing even more, didn’t even make a dent. I thought making myself more vulnerable by taking off my clothes might….do something. But NOTHING. Still. The only thing I could think of was the one thing I did NOT want but I knew I deserved it. I gathered up my clothes and went into the bedroom, trying to decide which one would be best…
The thought of the Gentleman in Master’s hands while He’s this upset with me immediately made me think I won’t be able to sit for a month and not the best idea. And I could come to hating Gentleman for it, I did not want that. Oakey came to mind next, that scared me too. Anything wood didn’t seem like such a good idea and there was no way I was going for Mr. Grey. There would have been blood trickling down my legs if I had brought out Mr. Grey. The other paddles didn’t seem worthy of punishments. Leatherman was sitting on top of our toy basket in the cabinet. Perfect. I hate Leatherman already enough and I can probably take it. I hoped.
I folded up Leatherman into quarters, put him in my mouth and got on my knees. Without a word, I crawled to Papa with Leatherman in my teeth. He looked down at me, took Leatherman in His hands and sat for a minute. I was shaking. I knew this was the only way I could show Him how much I knew what I did was so wrong and how sorry I truly was.
Master told me to remove my bra and panties and stand at the half wall in our family room, hands on the wall, bent over. He told me not to make a sound and started with my punishment. I can take a lot on my ass and a good amount on my thighs but when the belt struck my back, tears started falling from my eyes. I clenched my hands into fists to keep from crying out. Each strike got harder and the tears kept coming. When the edge of the belt struck me, I almost cried out. I was crying as silently as I could. Finally it was over and Papa took me into the bedroom and held me. He told me it was over, He wasn’t mad at me anymore. I sobbed and sobbed. My back was stinging and sore, I felt the welts on my ass and legs. I told Him over and over how sorry I was, He held me and told me it was done and He was proud of me.
He started touching me and I tried to push Him away, saying I didn’t deserve Him. He again told me it was done and I was His and told me to please Him. I did as He asked, always.
Actions speak louder than words. I couldn’t express enough how I knew I messed up, except for asking for a punishment I knew I deserved and He needed to give me. Then all was right with our world again.