Master is the perfect Papa Dom for me. We have grown and discovered even more about ourselves and each other in the last few months than I thought possible. Through our D/s relationship, playing and exploring who and what I really am and Papa being willing to take all of me on.
The hardest part of my nature and personality is dealing with my need to please. I will put my feelings aside in order to please Master and keep Him happy, wherein I find happiness. I want so much for Him to approve of me. This part of me is what makes me a natural submissive and a little. I do not have to struggle or work for being a sub. There are moments when I rebel or misbehave but that is the rebellious little inside me more than anything, begging to be taken and subdued even further.
It’s a battle inside me sometimes because I want to please Him yet I’m holding onto these demons that are selfish and hold me back from pleasing Papa and giving Him all that He wants.
Right now, the demon I cannot let go of is my insane attachment to Papa. Since my “little” discovery and Him becoming my Papa Dom, I’m attached, jealous and possessive. And it makes me feel like a failure. This demon is holding onto me particularly tight and I’m not letting go either. I’m not sure how to. I’m failing in trying to figure out how to disentangle myself from it. Perhaps it will just take time for us to get tired of each other and him to go on his merry little way. In the meantime, I’m reminding myself not to pet it or feed it, don’t give him reason to stick around any longer than he might anyway.