Beat the Demons Out of Me

Yesterday was difficult. After my anger subsided, I fell into darkness. I couldn’t shake the doom & gloom feeling. Once I get to that point, the anger turns into frustration and I can’t get it out. I need to purge it somehow but I had to keep it together. The kids were home last night, my mom was there (talking about the whole ordeal; moving, THEM, court, which only added to my frustration), Papa came home and saved me from having to finish dinner on my own. By the time the little ones were all in bed, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

I knelt by Papa’s chair and made my request, I asked for a session. We both have been wanting one anyway and this would be the only way I could exercise the demons that are eating me alive. He couldn’t do it, wasn’t feeling up to it. I knew He felt bad, He said He was sorry. I pushed it back down and finished my chores for the night. This is one of those rare moments where it’s difficult to accept that my well-being is in His hands, that I have to hang on until He can help me dissolve the ball inside my stomach. He knew I wasn’t doing so well, I can’t hide and I didn’t even try. I curled up for a while on the couch, under a blanket. Then later crawled to my spot beside His chair. His hand stroking my cheek and neck helped a little of the angst subside. I calmed a bit, able to breathe a little easier. After our shows, He took me into the bedroom and made me talk. I didn’t want to talk but I cannot deny Master either…I didn’t cry but tears slipped from my eyes occasionally. It’s the pent-up emotion that I need to let out.

The little masochist inside me is jumping up and down, screaming, “BEAT ME!”…beat me until the dam breaks, it all comes flooding out and the sweet release washes over me. Beat the demons out of me.

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12 thoughts on “Beat the Demons Out of Me

  1. Oh sweet girl … I so need Mr F to do the same for me… but I can’t ask as He has so much on His plate… but I confess that I am becoming desperate…

    I hope my love you find peace x
    (I’ve just dropped a very sharp knife across the knuckle on my big toe… it needs stitches … but can’t get to the hospital …

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Lots of really salty water … just going in with the glue now … only a few drops left in tube … shame regular paper glue won’t work – oh bugger

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh lordy lordy lòoooo .. super glue on … now I just need to make sure I don’t glue toes together … thanks my loveky … Oh hell it hurts

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh lovely … a boat dropped on my toe a month ago and broke my toe nail… and now I have also discovered 5 little blonde hairs on toe … talk about adding insult to injury … glue is on and toes not glued together – …

        Liked by 1 person

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