Tossed Aside

At this point, I’m just trying to make it through each hour, that’s as far ahead as I can look right now. I’m trying not to panic, throw up and burst into tears at the drop of a hat. I’ve been successful at not panicking or throwing up but I’ve had to push the tears back several times already this morning.

The rug has been pulled out from under us. That glimmer of hope that all things would work out and we could stay together has been shot to a million little pieces.

As previously discussed, papers were going to be drawn up by an attorney, however that works, to release the kids from this state and to Florida. I made an appointment for next week. Papa told her, He told Stripe 2 weeks ago this would be the process. She said she understood. This is what divorced people do, they handle the custody issues. Legally. And this is a custody issue that we were trying to handle between us, involving an attorney was simply for the measure to make sure it’s all done right.

I got a text from Red. He asked me to ask Master to back off Stripe. I said, back off from what? He said asking about papers and moving, etc. Long story shortened, at first he said he was going to Florida, did not want to separate kids from parents, etc. but the second I said then we need to have papers signed he refused. They both say we should just trust them, they will come with us. No papers necessary. Now according to Red, I’m to blame for the lack of communication, I’m emotionally abusing him, threatening him, taking his civil rights as a parent away, etc etc. All because I said we have to deal with the custody issues BEFORE we leave whereas he thinks we can deal with it once WE ARE ALL there, like hell that’s going to happen. Because if we trust them to just come, when…when are they coming? Months, years from the time we do? I kept repeating to him, if he were actually coming, then signing would not be a problem. Complicated, yes. But not a problem.

I’m going to have to help Papa through the hardest year of His life in two different ways, academically and emotionally. Together, we have to find a way to make it through all this. He said He wasn’t built to handle all this. I know He’s scared but I asked Him, does He believe in evolution? Yes. Then we will develop the skills in order to handle all this. We can do this. We can do this. We CAN do this! We WILL do this! We’re going to make it.

So there it is, Folks.

The hardest part about hoping for the best is having to face the worst when it’s finally standing right in front of you.


They had their baby.

Master and I have been on a little bit of an emotional roller coaster. For Him, He thinks it’s mostly about the fact that Stripe claims to want to be friends but when it came to the baby, she’s been completely silent with Him. Master is naturally caring and curious and it hurts Him that she has deliberately kept Him in the dark about all of it. He text her saying He hopes her and the baby are doing well and all He got back was “thanks”.

I honestly did not think it would affect either of us like it did. For Master it’s the lack of communication. For me, I think it’s more about the fact that Him and I have been talking about having a baby for about a year and I want one so bad with Him. I want OUR baby. Patience has never been a very strong virtue with me so it’s hard for me to want something so bad and yet have to wait for it. And none of my kids were planned so trying to have a baby at the right time and being told now is not the right time is hard for me too.

Red is taking 2 weeks off and he had said he would meet me at therapy for one of our girls but since it was such a long labor, he couldn’t make it. She had the baby by 11pm Sunday night and therapy was at 11:30am the next day. I certainly hope that’s one of the rare times where he puts Stripe and their new offspring ahead of any of the kids. I wasn’t thrilled about it….but I let it go. Maybe that’s how I’m interpreting it but I can’t help it. He works normally and cannot make therapy on those days and the first time he can…he opts out. His choice.

That night…I was in need of the release that pain brings and Papa was in need of letting His frustration out. He bent me over His knees, pulled my hose and panties down and spanked me really hard for a good length of time. By the end, my pussy was throbbing with almost as much excitement as my ass was from the stinging pain. Master has a very heavy hand. A full session would not have gone well, we thought. Sometimes, even the best Doms don’t know when or how to stop when in complete control like Master has over me. So we opted for a spanking and it seemed perfect. Just enough. For now. Although I can feel a session coming soon..



dead inside

Don’t be like me….don’t spend a chunk of your life with a person who cannot love you the way you want/need to be loved. It’s a cold, dark place. Don’t go there.

Naughty School Girls


A couple weeks passed since the erotic incident in the lunch room with Janice and Sean. I had a few classes with Sean and we sort of avoided each other, especially since we ran in different social circles. On occasion, our eyes would catch and he would give me a small, sheepish smile before turning away. I was attracted to him, a lot. Maybe even a little more than attracted but I tried not to let myself admit it.

At lunch on this particular day, like any teenager, I was checking my phone for messages and updates, etc. when I saw I had a message from Sean. He didn’t have my number but sent it through Facebook instead. It read, “So I was wondering if you wanted to hook up this weekend.” I sent him one back that said, “Can I bring a friend?” Almost instantly, he asked guy or girl? I replied, “A girl. She doesn’t go to our school, lives in my neighborhood.” He said yes, with a smiley face.

When I got home that afternoon, I texted my friend, whose name was Sarah. She was a year older than me and lived a street back and to the side of our house. We could see each other from our windows in the distance sometimes. Sarah took a little while in answering me but finally responded with a little bit of hesitancy about the proposal…

In the weeks following my experience with Sean and Janice, Sarah and I got closer. A lot closer. I told her about it right after school that day. Shortly after, she came over and we ended up messing around. It surprised me! Pleasantly, of course. She was a beautiful girl and I was attracted to her as well but I never would have thought she would be into me. I was a little heavier and shorter than her, with a larger chest. Sarah was tall, about 5’9, with curly black hair and a light complexion. She was on the thicker side but still had a mostly flat stomach, unlike me, with C cups, whereas I had DD cups. Her nipples were dark and very large. I LOVED sucking on them until she would push me away with a giggle. Then I would just switch to sucking on her clit instead. I loved her beautiful little pussy with its swollen clit and pale lips, very tasty indeed. Our parents always thought we were just doing homework or working on projects, even if we went to different schools, so no one fussed about our closed doors like they would if we had boys over instead.

She said she was intrigued but not really into boys all that much right now. I told her to think about it, it was only Tuesday after all.

The next day, Sarah said she was interested and told me she would go with me. I messaged Sean and said it was a go. He replied with multiple smiley faces and gave me the details. That afternoon, Sarah came over to pay me a visit. Evidently thinking about a dirty, naughty threesome with a boy and me had made her very horny. She pushed me back on the bed, practically ripping my panties off to bury her face in my pussy. Making a little more noise than normal, her tongue lapped at my juices and flicked my clit until I grabbed the back of her head and exploded all over her. After I regained a little bit of composure, I moved to return her generosity but she pushed me back and pulled out a nice, thick dildo from her bag and told me she wanted me to fuck her with it. So much for not wanting cock lately. Sarah laid back on my bed and spread her legs to reveal her wet, aching pussy to me. I wanted to taste her so bad but she wouldn’t let me even though I was practically drooling. I pushed the fake cock slowly inside her and she shivered all over. One of her hands made its way to her clit and starting rubbing it furiously. I fucked her pussy with the thick dildo as fast as my hands could move. It didn’t take long before her body convulsed from her intense orgasm. I massaged her breasts and kissed her gently as she came back to me and opened her eyes. A long, slow smile told me how good she was feeling at the moment. God, she was sexy. I couldn’t wait to have her alongside Sean this weekend.

The next couple of days seemed to crawl by excruciatingly slow. All I could think about was Sean’s delicious cock in my pussy while eating Sarah’s sweet cunt. I wanted to dunk my tongue in her sweet juices and drink her down. But it was here. Friday was here. I went to Sarah’s house to get ready. I had packed up a couple of outfits for her to help me pick out. She thought it was kind of funny considering this was a play date and not really a real date but went along with it anyway. I felt sexy and turned on getting dressed next to her. Standing in the bathroom in just bra and panties while we did hair and make up and giggled about tonight’s festivities. Neither of us could believe we were actually doing it. I think I was more excited than she was though. Sarah is or likes to think of herself as bisexual but she really does enjoy women more. Boys are just kind of fun for her whereas I really enjoy both equally. Finishing the beautification process, we got ready to head out.

Sean had given me directions to his house, parents being gone for the weekend. We arrived and he brought us into the family room. He had the TV on, just hanging out watching a show until we got there. There were a few awkward moments of how do we get this night started but sitting on either side of Sean, we sort of all just…..started. Soon we were all kissing and touching and pulling clothes off. A little shy at first but as the passion rose, so did the desire to be naked and fucking. However we ended up in this position I wasn’t sure but I definitely was not complaining either. I was riding Sean’s cock while Sarah was on his face, enjoying his oral talents. This also gave us girls the freedom to tease each other’s nipples and kiss. Suddenly she hopped off of him and laid back, begging me to make her cum with my mouth. I gladly obliged, crawling between her legs and kicking up her thighs until my tongue reached her molten hot pussy. I opened my mouth wide and went to work on her. Sean took the hint of me leaving my plump ass up in the air and grabbed a hold of my hips as he spread my legs apart slightly to allow room for his throbbing, hard cock to enter me from behind. I moaned into Sarah’s pussy as he thrust deep inside my hungry cunt. In barely a minute, Sarah was gushing in my mouth as she came. She laid back, breathless, legs shaking. Sean continued to fuck me but slowed a bit as she got up and timidly asked him if she could suck his cock. I was taken aback, definitely not expecting her to have that kind of interaction with him but I supposed she was curious enough to try it. Sarah slowly started to take the length of his cock in her mouth. She pulled back and licked her lips, enjoying the taste of my pussy on his cock, and then she went back for more. I went up to him, kissing him while Sarah’s mouth stayed glued to his cock. He twisted and pinched my nipples and rubbed my ass then pulled himself away from her and turned me around on my knees again, while she crawled underneath and began licking my clit while Sean slid his cock inside me again. I reminded him that he couldn’t cum inside me…so he asked whose mouth he would be cumming in. Again to my surprise, Sarah muffled a “mine” from beneath me. She sucked my clit into her mouth as I rocked back against Sean’s pelvis, making me cum hard around his cock. He moaned loud and suddenly pulled out and told Sarah he needed her mouth right away. She wrapped her lips around his member and after a few strokes, he unleashed his load down her throat. Wincing, she swallowed it down. I collapsed on the floor, breathing heavy and totally satisfied. Sarah laid down next to me, kissing me on the cheek. When I looked over, Sean was grinning from ear to ear.

Until next time…



I’ve been looking for some part-time work  in addition to my current job.  I’m struggling because of the sales end of it.  It’s harder than I anticipated. Jets made it sound easier and better than it was so I decided to look around for extra money and for my sanity.
I received an email this morning from a CPA, sounds like he works alone in his office, looking for an assistant.  It’s my type of work and I was upfront about my current position. He set up a phone interview for this afternoon.  Master mentioned something about being sure to keep myself closed off to anyone but Him or who He approves of. I was a little taken aback but understood where it’s coming from.  I have a past of infidelity. And He knows. Papa knows even about the one Red doesn’t. I deserve the questioning and slight mistrust. Only time will allow me to prove to Him I am and will be faithful to Master.

Big, Bad Red

Master and I have been reading and writing about narcissism since we both began to think Red is a narcissist. When I come across an article that points out the signs or reveals some information that may help someone, I like to share.

These are abusive tactics that Red and narcissists like him use on their spouses to maintain or gain control.  Even as recent as yesterday, I have experienced all of these with Red.  They hit so close to home that it hurts.

Rage – This is an intense, furious anger that comes out of nowhere, usually over nothing (remember the wire hanger scene from the movie “Mommie Dearest”). It startles and shocks the victim into compliance or silence.

Gaslighting – Narcissistic mental abusers lie about the past, making their victim doubt her memory, perception, and sanity. They claim and give evidence of her past wrong behavior further causing doubt. She might even begin to question what she said a minute ago.

The Stare – This is an intense stare with no feeling behind it.  It is designed to scare a victim into submission, and is frequently mixed with the silent treatment.

Silent Treatment – Narcissists punish by ignoring. Then they lets their victim “off the hook” by demanding an apology even though she isn’t to blame. This is to modify her behavior. They also have a history of cutting others out of their life permanently over small things.

Projection – They dump their issues onto their victim as if she were the one doing it. For instance, narcissistic mental abusers may accuse their spouse of lying when they have lied. Or they make her feel guilty when he is really guilty. This creates confusion.

Twisting – When narcissistic spouses are confronted, they will twist it around to blame their victims for their actions. They will not accept responsibility for their behavior and insist that their victim apologize to them.

Manipulation – A favorite manipulation tactic is for the narcissist to make their spouse fear the worst, such as abandonment, infidelity, or rejection. Then they refute it and ask her for something she normally would reply with “No.” This is a control tactic to get her to agree to do something she wouldn’t.

Victim Card – When all else fails, the narcissist resorts to playing the victim card. This is designed to gain sympathy and further control behavior.

Provided by Christine Hammond, award winning author of The Exhausted Woman’s Handbook

Ohhh Baby

We’ve been discussing the baby issue more and more now that we know where we are moving. Papa made a good point the other night.  If I have the iud pulled out in March, that could be a December baby….giving us that month and part of January where He is not teaching…hmm, very good point indeed. Pending I get pregnant right away. On average, it takes 4-6 months after removal for conception.  But there is also my age.  I will be 36 in May. That automatically puts me at high risk. Not to mention that many pregnancy risks double or more after 35. And the fact that we are moving in July/August also means some high stress involved and Master’s daunting task of finishing His dissertation. Does He need a pregnant, stressed out wife during this whole ordeal? BUT MY EGGS ARE GETTING OLDER by the second! Ugh!!! The dilemma…..decisions, decisions!!