Big, Bad Red

Master and I have been reading and writing about narcissism since we both began to think Red is a narcissist. When I come across an article that points out the signs or reveals some information that may help someone, I like to share.

These are abusive tactics that Red and narcissists like him use on their spouses to maintain or gain control.  Even as recent as yesterday, I have experienced all of these with Red.  They hit so close to home that it hurts.

Rage – This is an intense, furious anger that comes out of nowhere, usually over nothing (remember the wire hanger scene from the movie “Mommie Dearest”). It startles and shocks the victim into compliance or silence.

Gaslighting – Narcissistic mental abusers lie about the past, making their victim doubt her memory, perception, and sanity. They claim and give evidence of her past wrong behavior further causing doubt. She might even begin to question what she said a minute ago.

The Stare – This is an intense stare with no feeling behind it.  It is designed to scare a victim into submission, and is frequently mixed with the silent treatment.

Silent Treatment – Narcissists punish by ignoring. Then they lets their victim “off the hook” by demanding an apology even though she isn’t to blame. This is to modify her behavior. They also have a history of cutting others out of their life permanently over small things.

Projection – They dump their issues onto their victim as if she were the one doing it. For instance, narcissistic mental abusers may accuse their spouse of lying when they have lied. Or they make her feel guilty when he is really guilty. This creates confusion.

Twisting – When narcissistic spouses are confronted, they will twist it around to blame their victims for their actions. They will not accept responsibility for their behavior and insist that their victim apologize to them.

Manipulation – A favorite manipulation tactic is for the narcissist to make their spouse fear the worst, such as abandonment, infidelity, or rejection. Then they refute it and ask her for something she normally would reply with “No.” This is a control tactic to get her to agree to do something she wouldn’t.

Victim Card – When all else fails, the narcissist resorts to playing the victim card. This is designed to gain sympathy and further control behavior.

Provided by Christine Hammond, award winning author of The Exhausted Woman’s Handbook

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