Tossed Aside

At this point, I’m just trying to make it through each hour, that’s as far ahead as I can look right now. I’m trying not to panic, throw up and burst into tears at the drop of a hat. I’ve been successful at not panicking or throwing up but I’ve had to push the tears back several times already this morning.

The rug has been pulled out from under us. That glimmer of hope that all things would work out and we could stay together has been shot to a million little pieces.

As previously discussed, papers were going to be drawn up by an attorney, however that works, to release the kids from this state and to Florida. I made an appointment for next week. Papa told her, He told Stripe 2 weeks ago this would be the process. She said she understood. This is what divorced people do, they handle the custody issues. Legally. And this is a custody issue that we were trying to handle between us, involving an attorney was simply for the measure to make sure it’s all done right.

I got a text from Red. He asked me to ask Master to back off Stripe. I said, back off from what? He said asking about papers and moving, etc. Long story shortened, at first he said he was going to Florida, did not want to separate kids from parents, etc. but the second I said then we need to have papers signed he refused. They both say we should just trust them, they will come with us. No papers necessary. Now according to Red, I’m to blame for the lack of communication, I’m emotionally abusing him, threatening him, taking his civil rights as a parent away, etc etc. All because I said we have to deal with the custody issues BEFORE we leave whereas he thinks we can deal with it once WE ARE ALL there, like hell that’s going to happen. Because if we trust them to just come, when…when are they coming? Months, years from the time we do? I kept repeating to him, if he were actually coming, then signing would not be a problem. Complicated, yes. But not a problem.

I’m going to have to help Papa through the hardest year of His life in two different ways, academically and emotionally. Together, we have to find a way to make it through all this. He said He wasn’t built to handle all this. I know He’s scared but I asked Him, does He believe in evolution? Yes. Then we will develop the skills in order to handle all this. We can do this. We can do this. We CAN do this! We WILL do this! We’re going to make it.

So there it is, Folks.

The hardest part about hoping for the best is having to face the worst when it’s finally standing right in front of you.


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