This is the start of me working two part-time jobs. When it’s all said and done, I’ll be working between 40-50 hours a week, depending on the week and schedules. Yesterday was the first full day, which coincided with it being the middle of the month.
Not only was I just plain tired, but my hormones were going insane! Some months are better than others but usually around the middle, I’m a little moody and emotional. The combination of both took me down to a tough place. I needed Papa, I needed snuggles, attention and love, which He was giving me for a time. Until He started up a chat with a couple. I was not in the mood and I should have said something but it’s hard for me. I did my best to push through. I didn’t get home until 7, then dinner, dishes, laundry….I was trying but I needed to get chores done at the same time. Master was helping, which I really appreciated, but He noticed my lack of enthusiasm. As always. No matter how hard I tried and read thru the texts, I just…….couldn’t. I couldn’t muster the energy to get into it.
He was not happy with me. And that only made it worse for me. Papa wasn’t mad but He was annoyed. He expects me to be His partner in playing, not His submissive. Master does not want to set it all up and tell me I’m doing this or we’re going here without asking for my input or an opinion. There are moments I wish He would do this, the thought sort of turns me on in a way, but then I think about the possible outcomes and my lady hard-on goes away.
I was a hot, and I mean, molten hot mess last night. The thought of Papa being upset with me brought tears to my eyes. I’ve started three new jobs in the last 4 months after having been in the same job for 9 years. That’s quite an undertaking. Not to mention moving across the country in a few months, the exes moving with us, the kids, the divorces, the stress, the drama, the fights. It’s been a lot of changes and a lot of emotions to handle in a short amount of time. So there are moments when my hormones overflow and it all comes crashing down on me at once. He says I need to feel the emotions at the time they surface instead of being overwhelmed by all of them at the same time. I do not disagree but at this point in my life, I don’t know how to do to that. I’ve stuffed things away and kept going and going until I have a quiet moment to let the waterfall overtake me for so long now. Tears fell and I buried my face in His chest, He calmed me, at least for the moment. We cuddled while watching a short show and then went into the bedroom.
I probably should have left well enough alone and not started touching Him but I couldn’t help myself. I equate sex with love and fucking me means He loves me. Too much on my mind made an orgasm nearly escape me but Papa is persistent! Then He had me hang over the side of the bed and fucked my mouth and surprised me with cumming on my face. It was yummy.
Still, going to sleep….I was not feeling like myself. And I hate it. I don’t like feeling like that. Waking up was no different. I was hoping like hell a good night’s sleep would wash away these blues. I cried in Papa’s arms. He said I haven’t been this bad in a while. It’s true. I haven’t had meltdowns like this in I don’t know how long.
I’m starting to come out of the darkness now….maybe those stupid hormones are finally settling down. I definitely do not like the cranky, weepy baby doll. She needs to go away. Go crawl back into the back of the closet. I’m done with you!