Could we possibly be at the end of our playing adventures?
Far too few of our encounters have actually been enough fun to keep searching and meeting up with people to play i.e. the juice has not been worth the squeeze.
Master brought it up last night and said He’s not in the mood to play. This could certainly change as it has before, we’ve agreed to taking breaks and gone back to it shortly after that. I do not disagree…I have not been really interested in playing much either. It certainly could be because I’ve been under the weather so much lately. I just can’t seem to kick whatever it is I have. But then again, I look at Papa and think He’s the only one I really want. I love our sex life, I love the way He looks at me, kisses me, touches me. I enjoy sex with women, yes, but the more I fall in love with Master, the more I just crave Him in every way. I find more and more that the thrill from playing comes not in the actual act of but more in the hunt and the anticipation leading up it. Then it just becomes a let-down because let’s face it, first times are not thrilling at all. They’re awkward and a little weird. At least they are for me and seem to be the same for Master.
We do have an engagement set for the 25th. It’s a private swinger type party in a hotel room set up by a couple who does this a couple of times a year. It’s a kinky affair to which they are bringing their own female sub who they play with on occasion as well as a male CD sub and two or three other couples. They contacted us a while ago about it and I was very hesitant. I do not belong in a party/swinger type atmosphere at all. I am beyond shy when it comes to things of that nature. However, I took some time to think about it and came to Master with an idea. I proposed going with Him as His full slave. My reasoning behind it…I am much less likely to disappoint Him than I am myself when it comes to being too shy, unable to speak up or make a move on something I want. He will have complete control over me and I am to obey Master at all times, or suffer the consequences. I offered that He should think about pulling out of the party since He is not in the mind-frame to play right now and Papa said He would think about it.
We also talked about our D/s….Master has been feeling out of sorts lately with my multiple transitions in work as of late and not keeping up with my daily assignments as I should be. We agreed that daily blogs has proved to be too much for me, I cannot keep up with it so He pulled it back to once a week. I will try to write more but at least once a week is now acceptable. I have been failing miserably on reporting breakfast, lunch and kegels. I asked if I deserved a punishment and He said not if He didn’t receive one as well because He has failed in keeping me in line as much as I have failed in doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I went over my protocols and asked if He were unhappy with anything else. Master said no…though He struggles when I’m not at 100% because He feels selfish. I reassured Him that there was no need to feel selfish. I’m His sub, sick or well, and I know that if I am truly not feeling up to a task or keeping up with my protocols, all I have to do is ask to be excused. I know at any given time all I need to do is communicate with Master, He will listen and most likely let me slide precisely because I don’t ask often. He seemed to settle down and was relieved we had talked and He got it off His chest…then we messed around a bit, which I needed because I was missing that connection with Him..
It was a good talk 🙂