Conversing with a Narcissist

I was supposed to meet Red on Wednesday. I didn’t hear from him when I told him I was leaving work for the day so I headed home. Turns out (supposedly) he didn’t get out of work until past 8 so the next day I initiated the conversation about how to get the issue of the girls’ transportation to Florida worked out. Our conversation went like this:

Me: So how are going to work this out? What’s your proposal?

Red: Oh sorry I was out last night.

Red: Saturday morning?

Red: Breakfast/business?

Me. Not Saturday. I’m not giving up time with the kids.

Red:  But your asking me to?

Me:  You’re the one who is insisting on meeting in person.

Red: Because we have to go over some stuff. Parenting, retro time, etc.

Me: In my mind, it doesn’t require an in-person meeting.

Me. And if by retro time, you mean, time between when the kids are in FL and when you come down, of course we would find a way to make it up. That’s not even an issue.

Red: It does. We need to be able to co-parent.

Me: We are co-parenting. We are back to the same debate where you think it needs to be in person and I don’t agree.

Me: This is just as effective communication as any. It’s actual mode of communication.

Me. And it’s more convenient than trying to set up a meeting between all our twisted schedules.

{10 minutes later)

Me: So what now? Ceasing to answer me won’t get anything solved.

Red: I just don’t have an answer right now. Thinking of a solution.

Me: If you participated in the drop offs on occasion, we would have few minutes here and there to get things talked thru. That’s how they do it (meaning Papa & Stripe. Red has not once, NOT ONCE, done a drop off in the last YEAR. Even on the rare occasions that Stripe only has the blondies to drop off)

Red: Will see

Me: I propose you send me the things you are concerned about and I’ll address them. Each one individually.  That way neither of us has to give up time with the kids.

Red: I’ll get it written out.

At this point, it feels like he’s just stalling. And I cut him off at every point, no matter which one he was trying to make. While also making the point that he DOES NOT co-parent by not helping drop off or pick up kids. I know his schedule is limited, like mine, but there are the weekends and even when he is home, he’s no where to be seen. Probably upstairs, avoiding Papa or me or both. Yet he’s demanding that I co-parent by making special time to meet up with him. Why? Like I said I am a different Monster now. I will not bend and instead, intend to show him at every turn how difficult he’s actually being. Whether he recognizes it or not.

 

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4 thoughts on “Conversing with a Narcissist

    1. The funny thing is once one gets past the hurt and can separate from the emotions, co-parenting really isn’t that difficult. Even sometimes you have parallel parent. Different rules between both houses. And the children will adjust. They’re smart. It’s trying to deal with someone who loves to make it difficult, that’s when it gets complicated. But yes, you’re probably lucky he doesn’t have kids with his ex.

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  1. That’s the issue with a narc – if you don’t stay calm, they feed on your negative energy and it empowers them. They have won if able to rattle your cage that much. I really have no issue but to remain calm in order to beat him at his own games. It’s insane and exhausting sometimes but knowing that he can’t feed off my emotions makes it worthwhile.

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