I hate when I feel like this. I hate when my hors are moaning and crying like they are right now. Sometimes hormones are a woman’s worst enemy. They make us think and feel things we normally wouldn’t, they make us ultra-sensitive and a little nuts. Ok, sometimes a little more than a little nuts. The last couple of days I’ve been struggling and trying to push the bad thoughts away.
My insecure, pouty 13-year-old little is certainly surfacing. I can feel myself resisting the urge to stomp my feet and throw a fit. She keeps whispering and sputtering words about Master ignoring me, He isn’t interested in me or want me, everything and everyone else is more important. I fear I am losing the battle and she will take over at any time now and I won’t be able to control or keep baby doll from losing her teenage mind.
Papa has been loving, snuggly and supportive. For the most part. There was one night this week that wasn’t so great and I ended up going to sleep a bit pouty but I woke up fine. Except yesterday and this morning, I woke with migraines. Yesterday’s worse than today. That’s another indication that my feelings are stemming from hormones and being overly sensitive to just about everything. I do not enjoy feeling like this at all. It makes me feel weak and ridiculous because Papa is doing nothing wrong. It’s all in my head.
I don’t know what else to do but keep riding the wave of ridiculousness and hope it ends soon. I need to keep reminding myself that my insecurities and worries about Him loving or wanting me are unfounded. Another thing to look forward to is having the weekend with Him. Yes, we have some play dates scheduled but I would be absolutely shocked if they both actually happened. One reason why I agreed to both because one or both are probably going to bail. Master more than me, since I’ve been living non-monogamously for a few more years than Him, has learned that when it comes to playing, it’s a nice surprise when it happens and not to be too disappointed when it doesn’t. We’ll see how the weekend pans out….and if I can remain sane…