Settling In Even More

In the last few weeks, we have also begun to explore our playing opportunities in our new city. Papa asked me about trying couples again and although hesitant, I said we could talk and see how it goes from there. We found a couple where both are bisexual and started up a conversation.

He listed bisexual and she listed bi-curious and when we inquired after they said they are experienced in playing, she explained that she has yet to have been with a woman alone and was desiring to have that experience but she as been with women before in group situations only. I am not getting the typical pillow princess vibe from her like I do most women so that’s a good sign.

In the midst of talking to them, I went through my breakdown that Papa has since helped me get passed. During that I was having a difficult enough time getting through the day let alone engaging in any sexy talk with potential playmates. Papa continued some chatting although light as it was. Neither of them really started any real conversations other than saying hello or sending a sexy picture or two throughout the day. I just couldn’t bring myself to get involved. All I could think about was Papa and how must I missed Him. I was doubting whether I was ready to play even though I had agreed to entertain the idea already. Once I started to come out of my funk, Papa mentioned that I should start to jump in again. I pushed back a little, knowing He expected and wanted me to be involved, but still unsure. I pushed through it anyway and did as He asked. He said I was barely putting in 20% effort and He would like to see more like 45% effort. I explained that I’m being so guarded because I’ve gotten excited before and have been so disappointed. Papa understood but still insisted that I open up a bit and attempt to get to know them more.

I started up some conversations, asked a few questions we hadn’t asked before about boundaries and rules they had. I noticed that they answered my inquiries but didn’t reciprocate. In the back of my mind I thought either they don’t care about what we have to say or they’re automatically expecting us to disclose the same about ourselves without them having to ask. In my experience with playing, I was slightly taken aback. That is one I have not encountered before, usually people are curious enough to ask the same questions.

The conversations are light and flirty, we exchange sexy pictures of ourselves or porn pics from Tumbler or other adult sights. Scenarios that are hot or interesting. It’s entertaining and fun to keep the sexy flirting going. Now that Red and Stripe have their condo and are moving in, we are thinking that they will probably take the kids on the weekends or some weekends, at least for now until they get a vehicle where they are able to transport the kids back and forth to school, which means that we will have some kid-free weekends for dates or play dates. Until we know that’s coming, we are kind of stringing them along a bit though they both seem understanding of our situation.

I have to say that the conversations are not overly stimulating or entertaining but in the past we have had some great conversations with couples and…well, we know the reality of how those turned out so I’m trying to stay as optimistic as possible. At least open-minded. For right now all we can do is keep trudging along, keep in contact with them and hopefully we can meet soon and see how it actually works out.

Settling In

The first week of school is over with. We survived. I survived. It was questionable for a couple of days. Not entirely sure if it was because the kids went to school and Papa went to work or if it finally hit me that I’ve moved away from everything I knew or all of the above. It also could have been a little hormonal. Thank goodness for a patient and caring Papa who took the time to take care of me, calm me down and hold me when I needed it. I was a little bit of a weepy, hot mess. Alright, a little more than a little bit. But He was there for me and I couldn’t appreciate Him more for it.

Getting into a routine seems to be coming along pretty well. I get up first and get the older two girls ready for school. They go an hour earlier than the little ones so they’re at school by 7:30 to have breakfast and then start their school day. Then I come home and feed the four-year-olds if Papa has not already fed them and get them dressed after. Off to pre-school they go for three hours. Once I’m back at home, I finish cleaning up the kitchen, make our bed and get in the shower. It’s important to me to get dressed and feel good each day. Even though I’m staying home with the kids does not give me the excuse to look like a mess every day. I refuse. Besides, I have a lot of nice clothes from working and if I don’t wear them, they will sit in our closet and rot. What’s the point of that? Might as well wear them. Depending on the day and what needs to be done, after I’m dressed, I finish up chores and by then it’s usually time to get the littles. When we get home, they’re hungry for lunch. There are no snacks or lunch in pre-school since it’s only a 3-hour program each day. After they eat, they either play or watch a show or two and then it’s time to get the older girls from school. Get them home, another show and a snack, go through their folders and get any homework that needs to be done, done and it’s time to start dinner. It’s a full day because of all the back and forth.

As far as work goes, I’m still working on that. There’s progress, albeit slow but there’s progress. I’m not entirely sure how much work from home I’ll be able to get done on the weeks we have the kids because of how much there is to do during the day with drop-offs and pick-ups but I will for sure work on it.

Red & Stripe got approved for their condo and are moving in this weekend. It’s still amazes both Papa and me that in three weeks, they have only seen the kids three times. For parents who have cried about how much they miss the kids, they haven’t made much effort about coming to see them very much. Red had their car transported from Nevada to here and I’m guessing it’s here since he asked about the registration process in this state. Supposedly the title for the kids’ car is in that car and he is going to overnight it to my parents who had it towed and sold to their mechanic in Nevada. Once that’s done then either they’ll be on their way or will be able to buy a new vehicle for Stripe to drive and transport the children back and forth to school. We’ll see how all the rest of this works out and how quickly.

Papa doesn’t feel entirely settled in because of the kid situation is still so up in the air. Once they start going back and forth again, I have a feeling I’m going to miss them a lot. I’ve had them for over a month straight and have really enjoyed spending so much time with the kids. There are moments when they drive me absolutely insane and I hate refereeing so much but they’re a great bunch of kids and I value every moment with them, even the hardest ones.

As far as me settling in to my new home…I’m loving it here! ¬†Absolutely loving it. I’ve never felt so at home. The weather is beautiful, the local wildlife fascinates me to no end and of course, Papa is the most amazing Husband I could ever imagine having. At first we were thinking we might just be here until the kids finish high school but now we are definitely thinking this is our HOME.

 

Arrogance

I’ve come to realize that arrogance can kill a relationship.

People plead that they want to be loved just as they are and for they are. But when some traits are so strong and they start to cause trouble between people, should a person work on changing their behavior to fix a relationship?

Take the Odd Couple for instance. One a very clean, organized individual who strives for perfection in every way. The other a messy slob who thrives on chaos. It was funny to watch on TV but in reality, how long could these individuals really live together? Put these two characters in a romantic relationship. The slob says he/she wants to be loved and love should be unconditional, he/she shouldn’t have to change because their partner is cleaner than they are. The clean one says if his/her respected them, the slob would make an effort to at least try and keep our shared living space at least somewhat clean and orderly. TRY. Instead of leaving dishes sitting on the counter or in the sink, put them in the dishwasher, at the very least. The slob insists again that love is unconditional. Years and years pass and many arguments ensue around the demands on the clean partner and the slob saying, “just love me for who I am!” Animosity and resentment builds in the clean one as he/she thinks to themselves, just make a little effort. Any effort. Show the house and your partner that the slob respects them enough, just enough, to TRY. The slob becomes arrogant and thinks why should they have to change? Why shouldn’t the clean one just learn to live with it? It’s not that bad. What’s the big deal? I’m good enough. I should be good enough! It’s a little bit of clutter.

A little bit of humility and a little effort to show that one person loves the other enough, respects the other enough to make that small effort would have prevented so many years or resentment, animosity and fighting. But no. There’s that arrogance again rearing its ugly head, whispering, why should I? I’m awesome and he/she should love us regardless of some clothes on the floor or months of dust built up.

People should be loved for who they are. It’s the behaviors that can change. Habits. We can all change those for the sake of a bigger picture. Except for the arrogant narcissist. They truly don’t see a problem with their behavior and believe they are so amazing, they shouldn’t have to change a damn thing about them. In the end, a little humility can go a long way. Even just enough to think to oneself, “If I can just try doing {fill in} and it stops the fighting, what’s the harm in trying?”

I read an article not long ago that a couple was struggling every day in their marriage. Fighting constantly. One morning, the husband woke up and asked his wife what he could do to make her day better? At first she resisted, she fought with him again. Next she cried because she thought he was trying to manipulate her then she saw he was being genuine and actually answered his question. He did as she asked and for a number of days after that, he continued. Each day, she answered him and he did it. No matter what it was that she asked. He said it was never an unreasonable request and was happy to make her happy. One morning, they woke and she asked him the same. From then on, when they felt their marriage slipping, they started the pattern all over again. It opened up their communication and allowed them to discuss what their issue was rather than fight from their emotions. He chose to swallow his arrogance and show her that he respected and loved her so much, he wanted to save their marriage. It worked.

Arrogance can kill a relationship, even the best of ones.

New Life Begun

We have been in our house and in Florida for a few weeks now.  My uncles came to help unload the truck once we arrived, which was done within two hours. Within a few days, most of the boxes were unpacked and in the garage. Papa and I do not like living out of boxes and in complete chaos. I couldn’t stand it. A week later and most of the pictures were on the walls, things are organized and put away, a regular schedule is falling into place. In the midst of the unpacking, we have also gotten our IDs, started the registration process for the car, got a new van for the kids, went to the health department to get their shot records transferred to this state, and registered all five for school. Since we had an empty refrigerator and pantry, also had to do major shopping. To say we’ve been busy is an understatement but we have managed to get it done. My mom has been a big help.  She has stayed with the kids while we have gone to do most of this stuff, cleaned and did laundry and dishes. We couldn’t have gotten most of this stuff done as easily without her seeing as we have had all five. 

The drive across the country wasn’t bad at all. There were times where I wanted to push my mom out of the car and leave her there but I didn’t. We all survived without getting into any major arguments or killing each other. Of course, part of that was Papa drove the moving truck while Mom stayed in the car with either me driving or she drove.  The rest of us took turns riding with Him in the truck. The girls behaved surprisingly well for being stuck in the car for 10+ hours a day. It was a challenge to get them to bed at night because they would be so full of energy by the end of the day but they eventually settled down and went to sleep. All of them slept in the car during the day as well.

I was beyond fascinated by the countrysides we drove through. One would think I was a small town girl who had never ventured out or seen a big city. I grew up in Vegas and had only really traveled to California, Florida, New York (for one brief night), Washington state, Oregon, Idaho and Massachusetts. And most of those I had gone only once or twice. I loved watching the world outside transform from the desert I knew. The trees got greener and the air felt different. It was fun seeing the different farm animals as we drove through Texas. Louisiana and Alabama was gorgeous! I love the south! 

It was hard dropping my mom off at the airport.  I’ve never lived away from my parents. Now they’re thousand of miles away. My mom is a hard woman emotionally so she rushed off instead of a teary goodbye and I knew why so I wasn’t hurt by it. I miss her and my dad a lot. I’ve never had a lot of friends but now I’ve moved away from the few that I did have.  One of my closer ones moved to Texas a month before we left so that made it slightly easier but it’s still hard. The night Mom was gone, I clung to Papa needing snuggles. For right now at least, I have the kids and Him. Not working outside of the home won’t help that much either. For better or for worse, Papa’s friends will be my friends. 

Stripe and Red made it down here. My dad helped them at the end because they had no one else. The old poly house was left an absolute disaster and they had to leave a lot of things behind because apparently Strip’s priority was hand-me-down clothes over furniture or car seats. Whatever their choices are, they have to deal with the consequences. The one car is still in the shop in Nevada, they’ve been driving a rental down here. What has absolutely shocked Papa and me is that in 10 or so days they’ve been here, Stripe and Red have seen the kids twice even though they both have been crying about how much they miss the kids. Letting them borrow cars last year before their spawn was born taught us not to do that again so when Red asked to borrow our new van because they don’t have a vehicle to take all 6 kids,  I gracefully denied them while offering that we can drop the babes of with them instead. Thankfully there wasn’t any push back about it and they took us up on it. But still have only seen the kids twice. Stripe refuses to deal with anyone right now,  claiming that she misses the kids so much she isn’t capable of dealing so I have been having to make arrangements through Red. I am not enjoying this at all and Papa feels left out of the whole ordeal because Stripe has barely even been answering Him.  Her mother even showed up claiming she’s here to help Stripe because she isn’t adjusting well to the situation. They’re living out of a motel at the moment because they had to come down here first to try to get into a place. Red doesn’t have the credit to rent from long distance and apparently they need approval from the HOA as well. It’s a whole fucked up situation. Papa thinks Strip’s mother is down here to co-sign which seems more plausible. I just don’t understand them, they say they miss the kids so so much but their actions don’t match it. Red started work just today, they’ve been sitting and waiting for approval with nothing else to do.  It doesn’t add up. Papa said her problem is most likely because we won’t give up our car for them and if she doesn’t get exactly her way, she won’t have any of it. Well…that’s exactly what it is.  Her problem.

I’ve been home with the kids while Papa works and it’s a strange feeling. The only other time I’ve stayed at home was maternity leave and I was anxious to get back to work then. I’m feeling a little out of sorts because I’ve never not worked and never relied on someone else to take care of me like this. I’m trying to fit into it comfortably but it’s a struggle. Papa mentioned looking for work last night once the kids head off to school next week just to confirm and all those uncomfortable feelings came rushing to the surface. I don’t want Him to feel like I’m taking advantage or I’m lazy. I’m planning on finding something I can do from home. I have one thing lined up already that I will start working on right away. It’s commission only so that makes it a little harder but I’ll work on making that pan out. I want to find something else with a little more consistent pay as well and then I feel better. I know that taking care of the house,  kids and Papa is a big contribution but I will feel better when I know I’m contributing financially also. Not to mention that the kids want to start activities and we can’t take that cost on without me working. I don’t count on the other parents helping with any of that. Papa and I have paid for the school clothes, shoes and supplies and neither of them had even said thank you let alone offered to help out. 

This is the start of me getting back to writing once a week. I’ve been working on this blog for two weeks and am missing it. 

Hope all has been well in the blogging world!