It’s been 7…..8…months since our last session? Something like that. I had mentioned sessions a few times at my lower points of loneliness and struggling to adjust. Papa didn’t seem interested. I know it’s our protocal for me to get out the session toys and request it when I want but my fear of rejection is so strong that I will test the waters first before making my official request and risk getting told no. I got the feeling He couldn’t or didn’t want to so I left it alone and pushed through my issues as best as I could. I know this new job has been stressful and demanding and even if Papa could have benefitted from beating me as well, it still takes a lot for Him to do it and then a lot of out of Him to bring me back to Him. If sessions were to come back around, I knew it would have to be on His terms.
Friday night, after sex, we were messing around on AFF and He showed me pics of another sub who enjoys taking her beatings as well. Pictures of her ass all bruised and beaten. I made a snarky little comment about how He could look at her pics and enjoy the sight of her bruised ass yet had no interest in doing that to me. He turned and told me since we have already had sex, get out the toys, straps and ball gag. I looked at Him in disbelief and made sure He was serious before going into our closet and grabbing Oakey, The Gentleman, Mr. Grey and The Rose. Since we moved, all our straps were put away in our drawer. I had to get them and retie them to the feet of the bed, making sure they were done right and I had just enough room to be tied to the bed, spread eagle and feet on the floor, just the way Papa likes it. The straps were tight, just barely enough room but worked. He put my gag in and strapped me down.
I got a good beating before I completely broke and spiraled into sub space. He pulled me in close and held me as I wandered back to Him. The blissful peace soothed my aching soul. Even though I have been much calmer and not nearly as emotional as I was, the session helped rid the rest of it. I finally feel settled. Maybe being beaten is what finally made it our home…my home.